I have seen many young women in my practice who have had one major goal their entire lives. That goal is to get married. The goal is so strong that it not only overrides the ability to think rationally, but it blinds them to how unsuitable their partner might be. Being a bride is so highly valued in our society that many women don’t even think about how wrong someone can be for them. There are also women who have such low self-esteem that they say yes to whoever will ask them.
I saw a couple in therapy who could not have been more wrong for each other, but she wanted to be a “princess bride.”
Weddings are so glorified that people have gone into debt to finance them. The money they spend on weddings these days could not only be a good down payment on a home, but some can actually cost as much as a home.
In actuality, shouldn’t we women be looking at our relationships rather than just thinking about being a bride?
So, what is it that we should be focusing on? I once heard that each person should give 75% to the relationship. That’s a good idea, but in addition, the following need to be considered:
- Does he understand who you are, and still love you any way?
- If your relationship was a boat, and you stopped rowing, would the boat still move?
- Do you fight fairly? Or does it become a pissing match?
- Does he always make it about him or are your feelings considered?
- Does he have your back?
- Can you resolve issues or do you both walk away from an argument feeling frustrated?
- Do you enjoy each other’s company?
- Do you have shared values?
- Do you have a similar world view?
- Can you laugh at yourselves?
Before you take the big leap, please take these questions into consideration. It is much more difficult to extricate yourself from a relationship once you are married.